My mother died two weeks ago. After the numbing flurry of activity that happens after a death, life has slowed down, and I have had time to reflect and come to some conclusions.
Losing a mother regardless of the situation is very hard.
My mom had been in very poor health for over two years and the decline was painful to watch. When you love someone, to see them suffer is horrible. I thought I would feel relief for her when she passed. Instead I feel a part of me is gone.
I know the one who always had my back, who would always be there for me is not there anymore.
Friends come and go. Some are good-time friends, some are true ones. If you have a handful of the true friends in your lifetime you are very lucky. Many can only see what affects them and value only what you can do for them. Few have the caring, compassion and ability to forgive that a mother has.
Mom instilled in me the whole "Do the right thing" and to live your life being as just as you can. I still get very upset when people have a superior attitude and doing the right thing for them becomes non important. I became a peacemaker and "justice for all" person. I have learned that maybe I can't change the whole world, but I can start with me and my life.
I spent the last month (when it became evident the end was near) talking with my mom at night. She could no longer speak, but her eyes were watching me and speaking for her. I told her I envied what she was soon to see. All her questions would be finally answered and those she hadn't seen for years that had gone on before would be there to greet her.
I only had one request of her: When my time on this earth came to an end that she returned for me.
She smiled one last time.