I don’t like to cook

I don’t like to cook. It is what it is.

The irony is, some people think I’m a great cook. At gatherings, I take a cheesecake that brings oohs and aahs. What they don’t know is that every place I have to bring a dish, I fix cheesecake. I fix it from directions printed on the back of the box. And talk about my kitchen. It might not be pretty. You can look around and see the restaurant deli containers from week to week. My niece will move into her new apartment soon. I’ll give her a couple of ready cheesecake mixes and a list of mandatory items in the kitchen.

1. Microwave: Why should you get a pan out and boil when you can simply nuke it? The inside of my microwave has seen everything from peanut butter to modeling clay.

2. Toaster: To heat the few things the microwave can’t.

3. Coffee maker: Contrary to what you learned in school; caffeine IS in the food pyramid.

4. Can opener: How else can you open Spaghetti O’s or canned chili?

5. Blender: To impress friends when they come over. Simple instructions can whip up margaritas or daiquiris.

6. Telephone: To order carry-out. Mine is cordless, which helps when I’m scrounging around looking for discount coupons.

7. Cookie jar: Empty that bag of Oreos or Pecan Sandies into this as soon as you get home from the store. Within days it will be empty.

8. Corkscrew: Even if you never purchase a bottle of wine. It will impress your friends. Plus, your Auntie Janice might actually bring you a bottle of wine. She did me and I was lost.

9. Fire extinguisher: In case you ever decide to cook anything other than cheesecake, the result could be inflammatory. Remember, we all cannot all be Betty Crocker.

Nor do we want to be.

Nancee Harrison is a past columnist for the Greene County Daily World. Visit www.blondeladywithdarkroots.com or email her at blondeladywithdarkroots@gmail.com or send comments to Nancee, Daily World, box 129 Linton IN 47441.