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Saturday, July 26, 2014

Some day we're going to be too scared to get out of bed

Posted Tuesday, November 30, 2010, at 2:19 PM

Warning! Danger! Every day we are being blasted with more and more warnings of imminent danger from the bizarre possibilities of life that we are being scared senseless. The media is one huge hyperbole machine. There are so many experts any more that I wonder where have the usual and normal people gone.

The Internet is a huge dispenser of nonsense and misinformation often from the perspective of a twisted individual who lives to cause alarm.

President Ronald Reagan said to Nancy after an assassination attempt on his life, "I forgot to duck." Jack Dempsey said it first to his wife after he lost the heavy weight boxing championship. "I shoulda stood in bed," is a popular saying in Highland Township north of Calvertville.

Another expert warned, "If you walk for exercise drink plenty of water or you could lapse into a coma." Wow, thanks Mr. Walkathon, I don't think I will walk again.

Be afraid of escalators especially if you have children. Be sure your shoes are tied tightly, stand in the middle of the step, hold onto the rail or you might get sucked down into escalator Hades to die there in the oil and lint never to be seen again.

I have been petrified about bed bugs recently. Suddenly they are more to be feared than terrorists. Why hasn't homeland security been involved in this? The media blares out that one of the most prestigious hotels in New York City is infested! Media shrills, "There has been a 2,354 percent increase in bed bug reporting in the last year alone." Your mattress is a filthy cesspool of bed bugs and dust mites. A recent advertisement said, "If your old mattress weighs 50 pounds at least 25 of those pounds are dust mites and bed bugs." Ewwww. And new mattresses are filled with toxic carcinoembryonic antigens that can cause cancer or reduce sleepers to babbling, mouth breathing, knuckle dragging, drooling "stupifors."

Did you know that your cell phone can cause disabilities? Yes! A study was done in which lab rats used cell phones 24 hours per day for seven years and they developed an uncontrollable urge to try to keep up with the Kardashians.

Just shoot me now. Do you know that your cutting board and kitchen counter top have more germs on them than the toilet seats in the bus station in downtown Calcutta, India? Don't even consider reusing plastic water bottles. If you refill them with the toxic city water you will die a horrible death screaming in agony. However, if you freeze city water in the bottles you will die even if you touch the bottle -- instantly.

Don't eat meat. Don't use child seats on grocery carts. Stay out of the sun. Baby proof your home with an expert. Bowling shoes, forget it. The nut bowl at a party or the bar is a death trap ad nauseam.

We are in danger of lapsing into a frame of mind that will prevent us from even getting out of bed in the morning if it weren't for those danged dust mites and bed bugs.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.


Comments
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There is a saying, "Take One Day At A Time". I appreciate it when the media prints the happy news that take place in our lives. The depressing things I try hard to ignore or add them to lessons learned. For example the Railroad Tresle burnings. In my day Rail Roads furnished Passenger Service. They took mom and I to Fort Knox Kentucky to visit my dad during WWII. Mom did not drive so Bus Service, Street Cars, and Railroads allowed us to see sights you don't see when driving the highways. We saw trains carrying the war equiptment that was needed for our Brave Soldiers, Nurses etc. They carried our food and supplies to keep us healthy and alive. I remember when the train depots and bus stations had all the up to date commic books for us kids to read or coloring books that kept us out of mom's hair for a short time. We missed dad as he was stationed in the Pjilipines fighting to keep our Nation Free as well as the freedom of other Countries. I pray daily that the hate and discontent in the World would go away and folks poisoning us with harmful drugs would disapear so we could all live with good health and peace of mind.

-- Posted by FranksPhotography on Sat, Dec 25, 2010, at 8:46 AM

This was so funny, I laughed and laughed because of the silliness and truthfulness all at the same time.

Great article, thank you!

-- Posted by sassy12 on Tue, Dec 14, 2010, at 1:21 PM

this is so funny, but so true!

I get these scare-mails you know those dreadful warnings don't buy glade plug ins' they burn your house down well if people would only go to snopes.com it will tell them if it is true or false. the majority of scare-mail forwards I receive say they have been checked at snopes.com, and they have not, I go there and sure enough for the most part they are false...here is an example page from one of many e mails I receive from little ole ladies who mean well but bless their hearts they are trembling in fear! and want everyone else to live in fear! http://www.snopes.com/fraud/atm/cashback...

I really enjoy your blog! thank you for writing!

oh and you know how fatty foods are a killin all of us, my 92 year old grandmother sat across the table of bacon eggs biscuts gravy, and said you know this is killing me! thats what the drs are all telling me.... lol.

-- Posted by lillymae on Wed, Dec 8, 2010, at 4:44 PM

Larry you are so right. Seems like every day there is more and more things to so called worry about. But look back to our ancestors. They didn't worry about everything in the world and alot of them lived to be a ripe old age.

-- Posted by Scorpio1969 on Tue, Nov 30, 2010, at 6:39 PM


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