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Monday, July 28, 2014
I Jist Ain't Never Heerd Of Sich A Thing
Posted Friday, July 18, at 9:17 AM
The current Time magazine has a cover picture of a radical looking house and the topic of the issue is "The Smarter Home" describing the house of the future with the technology to make it function efficiently. My mind boarded the Hooterville Train to nostalgia and visited Stella, who was 83 in the late 60s. Newfangled caused her to blurt, "I jist ain't never heerd of sich a thing."...

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Laughing Is Good For You
Posted Tuesday, July 8, at 10:56 PM

Here are some jokes and anecdotes that I guarantee will cause you to split your sides laughing, wet your pants, or bust a gut. Guaranteed. If they don't, send them back to me and I will laugh for you. Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grampa, do you mind if I play this in here?"...

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Rambler Alumni 2014
Posted Tuesday, June 24, at 11:22 PM

We violated a life tenet of long standing Saturday. It states, "Do not attend school reunions because there will be some old people there who claim to be your classmates." It is true. But we did and it was a pleasant evening. I was surprised at how some people had grown so old they did not even recognize me...

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What's For Lunch
Posted Wednesday, June 4, at 8:53 AM

Restaurateurs are always looking for the next menu item that will sell like hot cakes. That is why burger places now sell chicken, fish and tacos. Since cavemen humans have attempted to eat the entire animal even to cracking the bones and sucking out the marrow then using the bones for tools...

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Indiana has some great names for bands, cars and even barbecue restaurants
Posted Tuesday, May 20, at 2:23 PM

I have noted a brobdingnagian (really huge) slight and discrimination in America when it involves selecting names for groups of entertainers and the naming of vehicles. The state of Indiana has not been mined for its many colorful and descriptive names. And that is sad. I feel discriminated against and ignored...

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Night Classes and Weekend Seminars for Women
Posted Monday, May 12, at 7:46 PM

The Cow Chip Tossing, Burp your name seminar and Mushroom Hunting Academy of Tulip, Indiana, is enrolling female students in classes for summer and fall: "Who died and put you in charge of driving?" A debate will be held on teaching real women to keep their mouths shut when riding as a passenger of a car in the front or back seat...

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Someone stole BW's wallet!
Posted Friday, May 2, at 9:05 PM

"Hello." A familiar voice came racing through the phone exclaiming, "I need you to look for my billfold." "You did look in your purse ten times? Have you looked in all of your pockets and in your car?" "Yes." I looked in all of the obvious house places. ...

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Bring The Crosscut Saw, I Have Found a Biggun'
Posted Friday, April 25, at 9:10 PM

I am reprising a column I wrote a few years ago on the coming of spring. It seems that by the end of February my coat weighs at least 75 pounds and time passes slower than a kidney stone. The earth is brown and lifeless. I know spring is finally on the way when I have one of those annual experiences that sink deeply into our primordial beings. ...

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The best spring cleaning ever
Posted Monday, April 21, at 9:42 PM

The weather today is cold, rainy and raw. That is spring; vicissitudinous. The winds of too many springs have blownthrough my long underwear. Yesterday it was warm and glorious. Gentle zephyrs blew and it was gloriously balmy; enchanting. I threw caution to the wind and propelled myself with reckless abandon because "Out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. ...

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Gardens in Time
Posted Monday, March 3, at 10:11 PM

Many gardens have felt the tread of my feet in days gone by from vegetable gardens by the farm house to mansions. The farm house is long gone leaving only the stone block front door step; a door that provided entrance to warmth in the winter, respite from the rain, a warm welcome by those living within...

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If you would like to make a call...
Posted Thursday, February 20, at 5:20 PM

Good Morning. You have reached the automated voice message system of If, Ands or Butts Manufacturing. Your call is very important to us. Please listen to the messages and select the one that most clearly states the reason for your call so we can direct your call to the appropriate department:...

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Why does Donald Duck go around half naked?
Posted Tuesday, January 14, at 9:40 PM

Steve of Daily Groaner primed my pump with the first five items then I filled the bucket: Why is there a shortstop between second and third base and not between first and second? Why are sleeveless T-shirts still referred to as T-shirts? Why don't people smoke cigarettes with their nostrils rather than their mouths? Why does Winnie the Pooh wear a shirt and he doesn't wear any pants? Why isn't a moon roof in the shape of a "dairy air?" What about Donald Duck? He only wears a bolero jacket and a hat. ...

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Musings of Christmas 2013
Posted Monday, December 23, at 6:41 PM

Christmas comes at us with the speed of a jet bomber. We know it is coming. It is scheduled and we can hear it approaching from a great distance but we're not ready. We prepare for its arrival as we furiously make plans, embroil ourselves in a fury of activity to withstand the onslaught. "It will be here before we know it and before we are ready," is our mantra. We know it but we are powerless to stop it, slow it or avoid it...

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Finding humor in unsuspecting places
Posted Monday, December 9, at 2:47 PM

I read signs and find the humor in them. Some are not meant to be read literally. Some make inferences and others just plain out and out lie. Since I am an American I understand most idioms with the nuances and inferences. I am a lexicographer and that causes me to read and chuckle and sometimes guffaw...

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The Oracle has spoke
Posted Monday, November 18, at 2:00 PM

The Oracle of Dead Horse Creek lives at the apex of Mt. Indiana. People seek his counsel and long for a private audience to marinate in his wisdom and knowledge. Pilgrims make pilgrimages to his location annually to find the answers to life's greatest mysteries...

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Fast Food Restaurants That Did Not Make It
Posted Monday, November 11, at 8:06 AM

I grew up with slow food. My mother cooked our food on wood-burning stoves and later coal burning and that stove helped heat the house. Later when electricity came walking down the road one pole at a time she switched to electricity. The fast-food industry -- they prefer to be called quick serve -- has risen in my lifetime. These businesses are always looking for the next great food to serve or how to prepare usual food in a more exciting manner to put the butts in the chairs...

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You may be too young to know this but.....
Posted Thursday, October 31, at 3:32 PM

That is right. You may be too young to know this but Geezers are people too. They were young once and they remember those days; better than last month. Geezers smile when they remember singing along with the Serendipity Singers and the Back Porch Majority and they remember when the only radio stations were AM and the only stations you could get were WIBC Indianapolis, WLS in Chicago, WLW in Cincinnati, WSM and the Opry out of Nashville, WWL in New Orleans and KMOX in St. ...

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There is no cure for 'Gadgetosis'
Posted Tuesday, October 15, at 4:49 PM

I am truly amazed at how many gadgets BW has. You know what a gadget is? It is that thing that is sold in Nashville, Indiana, and every gift shop and through every gift catalog in America that you do not need but want. It is the gadget that usually does one thing and at times does not do that very well. ...

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It's not even close: Grandgirls are the best!
Posted Friday, September 27, at 11:49 AM

Grandgirls are the best kind. I know that there are those of you who think grandboys are the best. I don't know how to break this to you, but you are delusional. If you have ever had a grandgirl you would know what I am talking about. A few years ago Audrey gave Tess the sobriquet of "Tessaroo the Buckaroo." The origins of the name are mired in the misty, bogs of yesteryear and may never be discovered. ...

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It took three hours to get a perfect match
Posted Monday, September 16, at 11:51 AM

(This column is a collaboration with my proofreader extraordinaire, BW.) It all began so innocently. We decided to paint the living room. I picked out two shades of green that I liked and my husband agreed so we spent a few days and leisurely got it finished...

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My World
By Larry Vandeventer
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I Jist Ain't Never Heerd Of Sich A Thing
(0 ~ 8:17 AM, Jul 18)

Laughing Is Good For You
(0 ~ 9:56 PM, Jul 8)

Rambler Alumni 2014
(1 ~ 8:25 AM, Jun 26)

What's For Lunch
(1 ~ 12:24 PM, Jun 16)

Indiana has some great names for bands, cars and even barbecue restaurants
(0 ~ 1:23 PM, May 20)