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Friday, Aug. 26, 2016

Ray has a cell phone now

Posted Thursday, January 6, 2011, at 2:44 PM

Ray is a friend tried and true: We worked together for many years. He is a native of Ehrmandale suburb of Fontanet near Sandcut and he has the technology acumen of a cave man. CJ and he have two vehicles so that the travel needs of each will not be impeded.

One bright and sunny day they were going on a trip and as usual Ray was ready to go but the missus was still primping or prepping. In spite of Brad Paisley's song, "Waiting on a Woman," waiting is not always pleasant and drains one's patience like Dr. Acula drains a boil. Ray was huffing and puffing while waiting. "I am going to pick up the cake so perhaps you can be ready when I get back," he barked in the nicest way possible.

He tromped out of the house on the way to the Flour Power Bakery. While motoring homeward he realized the gas gauge was nudging on the "Big E" so he stopped to refuel still fuming about having to wait on CJ.

After filling the tank he reached for the receipt. Nothing. Now he was as mad as a rained on rooster as he stomped into the store. Returning to the car he inserted the key but it wouldn't turn. He tried again; and again; and again. All doors.

Anger spread down his neck to his torso like spilled grape Kool-aide on a white tablecloth. There was nothing to do but call CJ. There was no pay phone in the store and company policy forbad customers from using the house phone. Ray insisted so they called the home office and gained permission for him to make the local call.

Humbly he called CJ and asked her to call AAA. She waded through all of the levels and menus to reach a real person. That is almost like trying to reach a specific person at the Pentagon.

The AAA technician arrived and tried to open the door with no success. He tried the key over and over and then tried other strategies. No luck. He called a locksmith. Ray was shifting from one foot to the other trying to retain his composure. During that pavane he rammed his hands into his pockets and made a startling discovery. He realized that he had two sets of keys: One for the vehicle he was driving and one for the vehicle at home. That realization came blasting through his awareness like a meteor from outer space burning through the atmosphere: He was using the wrong key.

Meekly he tried the correct key and the door opened. "It's a miracle," he proclaimed. Anger flushed out of his body faster than a tornado roars through a trailer park. At that moment the AAA technician discovered that he had locked himself out of his truck. The locksmith arrived and solved that problem.

Ray harrumphed into the house as CJ mused, "What was the problem?" "Stupidity," he growled. When they returned from the trip Ray bought a cell phone. Now if he just knew how to use it.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.

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