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Tuesday, Sep. 2, 2014

Signs Are Hilarious

Posted Tuesday, November 29, 2011, at 10:13 AM

I enjoy reading signs and finding the humor they unintentionally evoke. I was driving down the street one day and read a sign that stated, "Pouch" sale. I think they meant porch.

I was leaving the fitness center and encountered a sign at the top of the stairs that stated, "Watch your step." I didn't know which one was mine so I couldn't comply with the directive.

As I approached the serving area at a buffet dinner a sign stated: "Go down both sides of the table." I tried and hurt myself. The table was wider than I was wide.

Many businesses in our area have signs that read, "This door is to remain open during business hours." The door is always closed. Another sign reads, "This door is to remain closed at all times." Why have a door? Why not just have a wall?

There is a sign in Brown County State Park that reads "Prepare to stop horses crossing the road." I asked a worker at the front desk at the Abe Martin Lodge, "Why is it my duty to stop horses crossing the road? She looked at me with a question mark on her forehead. Do you realize how large they are? They may have an existential reason for crossing. As I grinned widely she looked at me as if I had just vomited on her shoes.

The local Olive Garden restaurant has a small sign on the entrance to the bar area. It reads, "You must be 21 to enter the bar area." I asked the greeter, "What if you are 28? Does that mean you can't enter? Your customer base is limited to one year. She looked at me as if I had just run over her dog.

Butler University has a magnificent venue for theater arts -- Clowes Hall. On one side of the lobby is a sign stating "Men" and it is a restroom. Another sign states, "Women use the stairs." Now that is a mystery, an enigma, a conundrum. Why do they have to use the stairs as a place to, to, rest? On the other side of the lobby a sign reads "Women" and it is a restroom. Another sign states, "Men use the stairs." Another conundrum. How is it possible that men must use the stairs on that side to, to, rest? Those stairs must be quite foul. If you go to Clowes I suggest that you use the elevator.

An aside. We were in Paris, France, and went to the Palace of Versailles. It is huge, 800 rooms with servant quarters for 300 plus all the horses and animals the king required. The strange part about that magnificent palace is that there are no bathrooms or restroom facilities. It has been vacant since the French Revolution that was inspired by our own that was in the late 18th century.

There is a sign in many jewelry stores that reads, "Ears pierced while you wait." I often muse, "What are the other options?"

Signs are hilarious.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.


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I enjoyed your post. I, too, find signs amusing. I think it stems from my childhood, driving to church with my family every week. There was this one street we always went down and it had a sign that said, "bump ahead." Without fail, every time we passed that sign, our parents would thump us on our heads and say, "Bump!" They thought they were sooo funny.

-- Posted by LisaLuper on Wed, Nov 30, 2011, at 8:39 AM


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