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Friday, Aug. 26, 2016

Where Are You The Safest?

Posted Monday, July 30, 2012, at 3:26 PM

You are not safe anywhere any more. Were you ever? Good question. Sometimes as I ruminate about life I ponder the issue of safety.

As we begin this discussion of safety I need to say that I am fed up with the likes of Geraldo Rivera and other miscreants who gripe and complain about being scanned and patted down at the airport. One guy took off all of his clothing and made a complete fool of himself. Geraldo said he felt raped when he was patted down. Whining, solipsistic egocentrics. You don't have to fly: Walk. Take a taxi. Ride a burro. Amish buggy.

If you want to be safe, stay out of your car. Of all the fatal accidents that occur 20 percent of them happen in cars. That is an alarming statistic. Stay home or ride your bicycle or better yet become an Amish convert and take your horse and buggy to the mall. I am promoting a new reality show titled "Keeping up with the Car Dash Ions."

Another statistic that is alarming is your own home. Seventeen percent of all accidents occur in the home of the person suffering the accident and that includes falls, burns, poisoning, cuts and bruises. How about that? If you want to be safe you better move to a hotel.

Now if you think that travel by other means is safer consider this. Sixteen percent of all accidents occur when people are traveling by air, water and rail. I am not sure how that is broken down but it risky to travel by any conveyance. Don't do it.

Do you ever walk anywhere? If you do you are subjecting yourself to an alarming risk of being injured. The records show that 14 percent of all accidents occur to pedestrians. People who are walking are struck by cars, hit by falling objects or something. Don't be a pedestrian. Why take the chance when it can be avoided. Get a Sedan Chair like Elizabeth Taylor had in Cleopatra.

The most alarming statistic does not involve travel at all. The number one cause of death is being in the hospital. Thirty-three percent of all deaths occur in the hospital. Stay out of there. Of course it is obvious that that is where people go when they are seriously ill. Those people would have died no matter where they were but that statistic does give one pause.

However, my research has revealed the safest place to be. Only .001 percent of all deaths occur when people are ... where do you think: work, play, at Aunt Frannie's house, at sporting events? No. The safest place is at church -- worship. Only one in a thousand deaths occur there and that is small. The statistic is even lower for Sunday School or Bible Study classes.

So what is the conclusion on the matter? The safest place to be is church and Sunday School. Save your life and be there.

Larry grew up north of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State University. He can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. He has published six books.

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