Here are some jokes and anecdotes that I guarantee will cause you to split your sides laughing, wet your pants, or bust a gut. Guaranteed. If they don't, send them back to me and I will laugh for you.
Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grampa, do you mind if I play this in here?"
"Of course not, Noah, I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life."
"What happened?" "Well, it was during the famous Eel River flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely."
"How about you?"
"I accompanied her on the piano."
While waiting for the aerobics class to begin, several women were standing about in their leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Another woman thought about that and reasoned that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation. She jokingly asked, "What did he start doing instead of these things?"
After a slight pause, the first woman smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant."
Audley decided to take some courses at the extension for IVY Tech. He was required to take an introduction course to chemistry. The first day the instructor said, "Name the most outstanding contribution chemistry has made to society." Audley didn't have to think long. "Blondes," he blurted.
Irresponsibility: "No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood and no single snowflake believes it is responsible for the blizzard."
The metric system is used by most of the known world except in America. If we adopted it many of the things we say would not mean anything.
A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
Put your best .3 of a meter forward.
Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.
It seems we have a drive up for everything now. One funeral home is called Jump-In-The Box.
Regular readers know that I like to read signs and interpret them literally. In other words, taking them for what they say not necessarily what they mean. So we were driving along South I-65 on the way to Granddaughterville. A very large billboard loomed. The sign was for a restaurant. It extolled the menu and wonderful service provided and said, turn here. We were hungry so I turned, bounced down the berm, through the drainage ditch, slammed through the chain link fence and knocked three cows senseless before stopping as the radiator spewed like Old Faithful. BW said, "I don't see it do you?"
Larry grew up North of Calvertville and Graduated from Worthington High School and Indiana State 4 Times. He can be contacted at Goosecrick@aol.com or 317-839-7656.