There is real time and then there is ...

BW and I took an inventory and discovered that we have 31 clocks in our house. That includes the timer on the water softener, computer, microwave, stove, VCR, cable TV, and various wall and table top clocks. And we have at least seven wristwatches. We know what time it is but sometimes don't know what day it is. This made me think about time.

There is real time and then there is the amount of time you wait to be seated at a restaurant.

There is real time and then there is the time you spend in the express line when the person ahead of you has 89 items in her cart.

There is real time and then there is sermon time.

There is real time and then there is the time spent in an airplane sitting next to Mount Lots O. Fat who takes up half of your seat.

There is real time and then there is the time spent in the waiting room beside a person with swine flu and then the inner sanctum waiting room and then the examination room.

There is real time and then there is the time spent watching NASCAR drivers turn left all afternoon.

There is real time and then there is the time spent at the state fair wearing new shoes that are too tight.

There is real time and then there is the time spent with an elephant standing on your foot.

There is real time and then there is the time spent waiting for your surgery incision to quit hurting.

There is real time and then there is the time when you have occasional irregularity and you are spewing projectiles.

There is real time and then there is time spent trying to open the door with your arms full of packages and it is raining.

There is real time and then there is the time spent driving from Shreveport, La., to El Paso, Texas.

There is real time and there is the time after you see flashing lights behind you and the time it takes the law officer to pass you in pursuit of someone else.

There is real time and then there is the time spent enduring a colonoscopy.

There is real time and then there is contractor time.

There is real time and then there is the time it takes to play the final two minutes of a basketball game.

There is real time and then there is lawyer billing time.

There is real time and then there is the time you spend waiting to hear test results from the doctor.

There is real time and then there is the time women spend waiting in line at the Brown County Play House restroom with two appliances.

There is real time and then there is the time spent holding your breath in a porta-potty on the last day of the Covered Bridge Festival.

Larry grew up North of Calvertville on a farm and graduated from Worthington High School. He lives in Plainfield and can be reached at Goosecrick@aol.com or (317) 839-7656. Write him at Larry Vandeventer 6860 Sunrise Drive, Plainfield, Ind., 46168. He has written five books.